Anticipation

Everyone around me seem to be eagerly anticipating 2009. I however have yet to get excited about the new year, I'm at the point of its coming whether I want it to or not.

2008 was the year I eagerly anticipated. I had so much to look forward to and so much to leave behind in 2007.

This year has been a blur, a great and fantastic blur but a blur none the same. I graduated college, made great and new friends (never an easy task for me), and further my walk. putting it this way sounds like so little but really it was quite a lot. I have lived in a GT bubble this year, not sure what the point of that statement was but it has been enjoyable. I have truly learned what having a church home and family means.

I believe this year has been a year of spiritual growth and Thanksgiving. I have no idea what 2009 has in store for me but 2008 has indeed been great.

I guess my problem is there was a tangible goal to anticipate in 2008 and now that I have graduated I don't have anymore tangible goals. whats in store? a great job for me? a great job for David? a baby? I don't know, I know God knows and that's something I've been working on being ok with not knowing the next 5 steps, and for a planner/control freak like me that is very difficult to do indeed.

ok enough rambling...2008 soon to be out, 2009 in. Anticipating what for the new year? God's plan, that is more than enough to anticipate, even if it isn't tangible to me.

Blogging

So I have recently discovered the world of blogging. I don't mean people like my friends and I rambling on about our lives, but blogging the business.

people who also ramble on about their lives, but have sponsors and podcasts and even their own conference. A blogging conference, really? I guess I just do get it.

I've been saying I want to get to get paid for being being me and I guess people have found a way to do that. But when you have to mention your sponsors like the Pepsi, Honda, ford, and Motorola symbols that are so blatant in movies are you still really you? are have you sold your self to marketing?

Home.

oh how nice it is to be in my cozy apartment, with friends near by and my real life, not the surreal one I experienced this week.

It was great to see some long lost friends, and friends that I'm usually separated by geography, and for once the holiday wasn't too wrought with family drama but oh how nice it is to be back to normal!

I cant say enough how happy and thankful I am to have the life I have.

Holidays, check

next item on my list, a job!

There's no place like home?

well home is subjective I guess, right now I'm referring to my home town, the place I grew up and lived for 24 years. we haven't really visited in like 6 months and every time we visit it gets more and more surreal. Its beginning to feel more like a dream I had once then the place I went to school, met, dated and married my husband as well as started college.

My life is no longer here and this trip is making that abundantly clear. its enjoyable and I'm glad we're here but my family stresses me out and I am soo extremely happy in the bay area that I know that is truly my home now, its a good feeling just weird, I feel slightly traitorous.

I don't know where I'm going with this, I guess that I'm thankful to live where I live and have the community of people that I do there. These last few months have been difficult financially but I am so very happy and am continually blessed by God. This season of my life could be a lot more stressful than it is,but it is because I have the love, support and guidance of God I am secure knowing things will turn out all right.

Merry Christmas!

Mulling

So I've been struggling for months. I've been unemployed since the end of September, been applying for jobs since August and Ive only had a couple of interviews or call backs. it keeps boiling down to my lack of experience.

this whole time Ive just been praying that God would show me his plan and I know that there's a job out there for me and despite everything Ive been in great spirits. For some reason (God and God alone) I haven't been my usual stressed out freaked out self. i haven't been stressing too much about the finances and somehow rent has been getting paid each month. well this morning I prayed that I wanted a job that used my spiritual gifts.

well going back almost a year a friend of mine approached me with the prospect of starting a Teen Challenge for young women in San Francisco. At this point I knew very little beyond the basics, she has no non-profit or social service background and her only real experience or knowledge of Teen Challenge was that her older sister had gone through the program. Our church is connected with a Teen Challenge for men in San Francisco and that is what has gotten her minding thinking.

well I didn't think much of it initially but the seed had been planted and boy did it start to grow quickly. fast forwarding a few months she has a meeting with our head pastor broaching the topic then we both had a meeting together about it. We then both kinda let the whole thing go and didn't go any further in the process. her praying about it had led her to believe that her role is really just to get the ball rolling and I was thinking maybe that was mine as well. I got busy with my last semester of school and then my internship and didn't really think too much about it until we went to the Joyce Meyer conference in September. One of the guys who helps run teen challenge was driving the vans for us at the conference and we got to talking about my grant writing experience and how they could use someone to help them find/write grants as they are in desperate need of money. I offered to get him some information and possibly help out in the future (I still need to do that) well anyhow that kinda got the plant growing again and I've been thinking about it off and on again since then. Writing grants for them would get me the experience needed to do it in the future as well as the background information needed on Teen Challenge as a whole.

well all of this has pretty much been separate things in my head over the last few months. Needing a job and wanting to help with teen challenge (don't ask me why I'm just now connecting the two)

so back to this morning I was praying a job that utilises my spiritual gifts (serving and administration) during service tonight it kinda hit me, Duh! you need to pursue this and actually be the person to run it or at the very least get everything laid out for someone to take over.

I started this Certificate in Youth and Human Services Nonprofit Agency Administration and it hit me tonight that I need to finish in order to gain the business and administrative skills I need to get this ball rolling again.

on top of all of this I found this job yesterday that is only 20-30 hours a month doing grant writing for a company that does strategic planning, grant writing and project management for non profits that don't have the resources to hire a permanent person full time. I was thinking that if even if I got a full time job this would still be really good experience, and now I'm seeing that this is the ideal type of job to gain experience, make a little money and still be able to go to school.

I really feel that this is what God has in store for me. More praying needs to be done of course but I'm feeling more at peace with this then any of feels like gazillion jobs Ive applied for over the last few months. I also need to go over to school and see what the logistics are to go back and finish this.

I would be able to serve God, help people and be all organized and officy, everything that I really want to do!

my brain is going about a million miles a minute...

yay babies!

I want a baby. on paper we're in no position to be bringing another life into this world, but we trust God knows what he's doing and never let us down so we're at the let just see what happens stage.

I babysat my friends kids today for a couple of hours, she has a 2 year old and a 8 month hold and boy or boy are they a handful. every time I spend the day with her I am continually amazed on how she does it. Then I begin to doubt it, can I really do this? but then the 2 year old will say my name or learn something new and I'll get a big 'ole smile from the baby and I think its worth it just for that!

so even though it seems crazy and they're alot of work, I want one to take home with me. crying, dirty diapers, potty training, cranky from no naps and all!

Happy Birthday to me!

My birthday was yesterday, I am now 26.

I'm currently exhausted but need to jot down a couple of things before I forget.

I have awesome friends. a friend baked me a cake and brought it to the church and got the whole choir to sing happy birthday to me before dress rehearsal, I turned red but still enjoyed. the cake as strawberry and very delicious.

I love my husband, our friends have a daughter who's 2 and has celiac disease, which mean no gluten. he took it upon himself to find a birthday cake recipe that was both gluten and lactose free, it was chocolate and delicious and I think it was just so sweet of him to make sure everyone could enjoy birthday cake.

it was a great party, the more and more I entertain the more I enjoy it and want to do it more and more. I am at the point where I'm asking myself why didn't I do this before and I need to get my act in gear and get a job so we can get a bigger apartment so we can entertain more and invite everyone, I hate excluding people and space is just a minor detail.

tomorrow is the Christmas musical, I should probably decide once and for all what I'm wearing and then head to bed. sooo tired...

I Love Christmas

So Christmas has always been my favorite holiday, I cant even begin to describe how much I truly love it. the lights , Christmas tree, carols, every last bit.

This year I have found that I can love the season even more than I thought I could. This last weekend was crazy busy but every last minute was truly the Christmas spirit. Saturday we had the Christmas banquet at church. we haven't been able to go the last 2 years because of lack of funding, but this year I was bound and determined to go, heck I was even on the committee to help plan it, I was in. Well once again there was major lack of fundage and we just couldn't find the 25 dollars a person for tickets, well long story short someone found out we wernt going to be going and they bought our tickets for us! I am continually amazed by and blessed by my church family. This isn't the first time a need has been filled by someone at my church, as Toni so aptly put it a while back, its the body of Christ working the way it should, and it makes me cry. needless to say the Christmas banquet was amazing and it was mostly because I looked around and I belonged, it is home.

I was recently reminded that I am home here, I belong. I've always had this feeling that I didn't really belong and despite being a christian for most of my life, I was reminded that it wasn't so much that I have found great friends and a church family (which I truly have) but its that I belong in Jesus and I am actively seeking the plan he has for me and not the perfectly (ha!)constructed one I have for myself.

Yesterday we had a guest worship pastor, Rick Muchow from Saddleback Church, Rick Warren's church. The leadership had the chance afterwards to have a little get together and he gave a little bit of his testimony about helping grow saddleback and it gave me a renewed spirit to step up and help in youth ministry.

This weekend was very and long and very exhausting but it was so great to get to celebrate the spirit of the season with a great group of people.

the icing on the cake was a cookie party tonight where everyone baked cookies and then exchanged, it had been a long day and it was fun and relaxing and cozy, complete with a crackling fire and warm apple cider.

God makes me smile and I am so thankful that despite the fact that I'm jobless and don't know where rent is coming from next month I am truly loved by him and he knows where my rent is coming from!

my memory verses for discipleship this month, Phil. 4:6-7

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with Thanksgiving, present you requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your heart and your mind in Christ Jesus.

In the beginning

So I've started a blog. I've tried the myspace blog and I've tried notes with facebook but I thought I would try this now.

My life is not really anywhere I thought it would be at the age of 25 on the cusp of 26. This isn't a bad thing, just interesting to see where I've ended up

God has been doing some amazing things in my life this year. Last year was just awful and I think I've been doing a lot of growing. I am happy, I'm happily married, I've completed my education and I have been blessed with great friends and an amazing church family. I need to remind myself of this often, especially when I find out someone I went to high school with has just put in an offer and gotten a house, or is having a baby or is completing their masters degree. I am happy, I'm geographically where God wants me and I'm closer and closer to the complete path he has for me. no use in comparing my life to others, that's Gods plan for them, not for me.

lets see if this experiment works out. this is important now because more and more I am hearing God and forgetting it and it needs to be recorded so I don't forget how blessed I am.