another summer day

I love Saturdays, have I mentioned that?

Tea makes the world a better place. We've gotten in the habit of making pitchers of it and turning it into iced tea. I'm drinking a cup in the only tea cup and saucer I own. I got it on clearance at Starbucks, it's purple (of course) with gold and teal swirly flowers. It makes my heart happy to drink tea out of a proper tea cup. 

I went shopping today. Got some new shoes for my trip to Boston next week. I'm quite please with my purchase. I also found an awesome green floral maxi dress at Marshall's for 10 dollars.  gotta love a good deal. its long, but for a change its just the right length and doesn't need to be hemmed.

I'm making chicken noodle soup for the first time. in my grandmothers cast iron skillet, it makes me miss her. Her birthday is in 4 days, she would have been 71.

I am unemployed again, but not too worried about it this time. I have an interview Tuesday, I hope it works out. if not God has better plans.

my family is imploding again, but my life is happy. My family of 2 is good and my apartment is adorable.

Content in now

I did the kind of shopping I would love to do all the time today.a couple extra things to make an every day meal a little special.A block from the BART in my new neighborhood is this fancy shmancy organic grocery store. Ive walked passed it dozens of times but never gone in. I was thinking about what to make for dinner and what I had on hand and decided on a frittata.

I had everything I needed to put in it but decided I wanted a little bit of spinach and maybe some bread. So I wandered in and being that it was dinner time it was quite busy. I didn't explore that much, but I did notice that they have beans and grains and other bulk items for not that much more than my cheap produce market I go to. I came out for under 5 bucks with spinach, a fresh baguette (nice and crunchy on the outside and soft on the inside) and tomato to add to salad makings I already had and spinach.

My husband said to me last night, we have no food. Ha! granted my normal shopping and cooking schedule has been thrown off because I was out of town, in town and out off town again all with in 2 weeks. but with almost everything I had on hand (and really it could have been everything, I just wanted to add a couple of  extra touches) I now have a frittata in the oven. it has roasted peppers, spinach, white corn, sausage, garlic, and feta cheese. not half bad for having no food if I do say so myself. served with a side salad and crusty baguette.

It's a beautiful (clear!) San Francisco evening, with just a touch of a breeze. I have an amazing husband, a cozy apartment that's slowly coming together and a God who is oh so amazing that I thank for my home at every meal.

If only I could always remember this moment, and to always in every situation be content in my now

Ups and downs

so much going on. recipes, awful cell phone pictures of dinner concoctions that need to be posted.

we're still at the church. in theory (well kinda actuality) we're looking to move out this month. we're having a hard time finding an apartment. we have our Dave Ramsey budget people, rent to us!!!

God's got us, He knows the timing. I just need to as always learn yet again to trust in Him and His timing.

yeah, and stuff.

Tea Bag wisdom

My mom and I have this thing. I think it may have started in 8th grade when we were extremely poor and one of the only things we had a plethora of to eat for a couple of weeks was an 8-10 variety pack of tea we had gotten for Christmas.  not positive though


well anyhow we always read and alot of times save the tea bag wisdom. you've seen it before you just don't know it, certain brands have little inspirational  quotes on the little tag you pull the tea bag out with, kinda like fortune cookies but better.


well for my birthday she sent me a bunch that she had saved for me and it made me smile, happy memories and such. I had to toss them when we moved because i just had no way of keeping them.


today I am sick and made a cup of tea and the brand i have has no such wisdom to impart on me. made me sad a little because Ive been on my death bed since yesterday (ok maybe thats the fever making me a drama queen) and I was needing a small pick me up.


also if you like sewing, quilting, crafts or the ramblings of me you should go to my other blog, Lilac Barries. Not much there yet but i'm going to try and remedy that sooner rather than later. wooohooo Mama it worked, twice!

Thankful

Everyday I am thankful for my husband.


Today I am especially thankful after talking to a single friend. who wants to casually date just because she's never gotten to. 


I am thankful for not ever have wanting to casually date and for the man I get to go out on a date any 'ole time I want to (budget allowing of course)


I could not have gotten through the last few months, heck weeks without him by my side, much alone with a smile. But I have, and he gives me a smile everyday.

Things I do know

Alot has been happening lately, that should be recorded. Mostly though I've been busy.


I'm trying to figure out what what we're supposed to be gleaning from this situation. Haven't figured it out yet. 


I may not have this whole grown-up/adult thing figured out completely, but there are some things that I knew before and have been confirmed in the last couple of weeks:

• I know when you move that you need to change your address with the post office

• I know when you move you have to inform your various bill companies, including your credit cards of your new address

• I generally know when my bills are due, and how much they're due for.

• I know you can find the phone number to your credit card company on the back of the card.

• I generally know approximatly how much is in our checking account at any given moment

• I know when I get paid

• I know if I pay X bill I'll only have X dollars in my checking account

• I know that X dollars means ill only have X dollars for groceries until I get paid next.

These are things I have either been told to do, or been informed of in the last few weeks. with out going into too much detail, because of our living situation we're having to do financial and job counseling with a couple from our church. I agreed to it because I didn't have a choice and didn't know what to expect.I went into it with an open mind. So far Ive gotten added stress to an already stressful situation and the distinct impression this couple thinks we're lazy idiots.


We've been married for almost 7 years, we know how to take care of business. 99.9% percent of our current situation is not due to the fact that we don't know how to take care of business, it is sheerly lack of income in a horrible economic atmosphere. 


Like Ive said, i'm generally a glass half full kinda gal, but lately I've been struggling and ill be over it eventually. I just need to keep praying and keep working and hopefully sometime soon I'll figure our what He's trying to say to me and I'm being to deaf to hear.

Gilmore Girls

I love Gilmore Girls, the names i have used to protect the innoncent are characters from Gilmore Girls. My friends also love the show and we all have nicknames from there. I am Sookie, therefore I am married to Jackson.


I was watching an episode today (God bless the library they have 3 full seasons on dvd to check out, for free)


anyhow I was watching an episode today and here's a quote quite apropos for this blog


Rory: There wasn't really a point you know because I get it. He is starting his first real job. I mean, he needs time to adjust and focus and learn the lay of the land. I mean It's good that he's trying to be a grown-up. You no so now I'm trying to be a grown-up. So why am I gonna get all pouty because I don't get to do it?
Lorelai: Hmm. Well, that sounds like a real grown-up talking.
Rory: Thank you.
Lorelai: You know the one thing that grown-ups don't call themselves?
Rory: What?
Lorelai: Grown-ups. Huh they say "adults," and they pronounce it "ah-dults."
Rory: It stinks


so aparently I am indeed not a grown up, for the sheer reason I use the word grown up. And yes Rory Gilmore, it does stink

monday evening

I'm having to redefine my down time.

no more television ( we didn't want to move it to our room, so we gave it away, not that we would have anything more than movies anyway)

currently I have minimal Internet. my computer is wonky (my father in law thinks my mother board might be going out) so I'm having to share with Jackson.

I need to get back into the habit of reading, I don't do it nearly as often as I used to. I guess starting tomorrow Ill have plenty of reading to do, class starts back up

work was exhausting today, on top of my normal walking I tripped and fell with a 24 lb baby. In the process of making sure he didn't get hurt i twisted and moved and fell on the floor.so now I ache all over and I think its being increased by my minimal amount of food today.

ok now I'm just slightly whiny and rambling on, time to wrap it up.

new year

I have goal for the new year, that I need to get out of my head and onto paper. mostly they're linked with a fast Im doing with our church, but theres some other one as well. ill get to those later. I need a nap

for now happy new year. 2009 wasnt exactly bad, just not great either. Im excited what God has in store for me personally and my family of 2.

I got to spend the new years with a great group of people bowling, we had a blast I got home way to late but I was with my husband and really thats all that matters. oh and we really did have a great time.

ok nap time. must get gowls down today, preferably by 6.

New Residency

I have a new residency, I am now a resident of my church, in San Francisco.I always said I wanted to live in this city, and now I do, its wonderful.

Besides my husband I now live with 7 other guys. its not as odd as it sounds, or maybe it is, either way it doesn't feel odd.

the building was built in 1916 or something like that- its really old. our room is at the top of the choir loft, actually one of our doors goes directly there.

I thought I would be extremely heart broken over not having a whole apartment to ourselves anymore and not being able to entertain, and no Christmas and all that. alas that is not the case, there are 2 huge (15 foot? maybe taller) trees with pretty sparkly lights and tomorrow I get to cook dinner for the interns and staff that also live here, all the guys that usually eat out, eat leftover cake people bring or at most make scramble eggs.

I'm thinking tuna noodle casserole and one other casserole type dish with veggies and salad, or something along those lines. its cold and rainy hear maybe some sort of soup.

our room is still slightly disorganized, all of our boxes are stashed away but I still have suitcases of clothes everywhere, ill work on that tomorrow.

I think I shall enjoy my time here, its different but it feels like home. it will definitely be a statement of faith and a story to tell my grandchildren, I once lived in a church.

hunger, or something

today after church (the big Christmas musical,good stuff but for another post) so today after church I went to lunch with a group of people.

we had all participated in the musical and were all starving. we were so hungry and there were so many choices we sat starting at our menus, frozen in indecision.

I am now home and I have a almost identical feeling. this week I have:

a final for a class that got cancelled last week(the classes are only 4 weeks long,the last class is basically just the final so missing a day is huge) there's 16 chapters I'm currently on chapter 5 or maybe 6.

we move Thursday, i have stuff all over my apartment. a good majority of it is intended for salvation army (hopefully coming Tuesday)

have I mentioned despite massive amount of preparation we haven't started packing? (I have some boxes, there's nothing in them yet)

oh and yeah, I got a job. a huge blessing but currently a huge inconvenience

we move Thursday, why am I such a bad procrastinator, or really good one. or something.

so yeah, I'm frozen in indecision where to start first? the packing? the organizing of the packing? 10-11 chapters of reading?

I want a nap, or a quilt. or both.

it will get done, it always gets done.

27 candles

I am 27 today.

Not entirely sure how it sounds, I greatly enjoyed being 26, 25 too. 27 sounds less like mid 20's (cuz its not,lol) and more like oh goodness I'm almost 30.

yes I thought I would be in such a different place at 27 than I am, but I'm ok with that. If I were where I thought I would be, I would not be following the perfect plans HE has for me, so its a good thing.

I was kinda saddened that I wasn't going to get to do a party this year with the sate of our apartment due to the move. But now that the day is here I couldn't ask for a better day.

its raining beautifully, after I'm done writing this I'm going to cozy up on the couch with my husband whatch a few episodes of the big bang theory and drink some SLO roasted coffee that makes me think of my mom and then I'm going to quilt and work on Christmas presents.

later we're going to dinner at a restaurant called Max's. we went there on our honeymoon. My pastor and his wife gave us a gift card to there a few months ago that I asked if we could save for my birthday. it will be a good day.

a day perfect for a 27 year old.

the best time of the year

So we're entering my absolute favorite time of year.

Not only do we have the holiday, but my birthday is right around the corner. With the the month of December and part of November comes all the pretty decorations and lights and Christmas wreaths and just general holiday cheer.

Going into it this year I'm really trying to hold onto my holiday cheer. We've been ridiculously poor for the holidays before, so I'm not worried about that. But despite the lack of fundage we've always been able to decorate, even if it just means putting up my nativity scene and angel Jackson bought me the first Christmas we were married.

this year, that cant happen. 6 days before Christmas we have to be out of our apartment. It looks like we will be moving into a room in our church.

And I know that Christmas isn't about the twinkle lights and the tree and the ornaments, but oh how do I love those, they bring great joy to my heart. the memories that come with every ornament, the great smell the tree brings to my whole house. the Christmas music playing as I make my apartment pretty.

This is only a season and if we do move into the church, I wont have one tree Ill have at least 3 and the whole place will be decorated and Ill have a roof over my head and Ill be with my husband. these are the things that matter. I know this. I just really, really like making my apartment pretty.

Defining sufficiency

2 Corinthians 12:9But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me


Portions of this verse have been popping up for me lately, and my question is this, what does it mean?Sufficiency is Christ, in the trinity really. what does that mean? how do I live this in my daily life?


Ive been going through alot of stuff lately, some really hard decisions are having to be made.Ive been talking off and on to a friend about the situation and Ive been getting really frustrated because for the most part I've been getting a lot of christian-ese of how God will provide and no situation is too big for God etc when all I was really wanting was a ear to listen to, a shoulder to cry on and some it will be ok's


I was thinking about this the other day because I've basically stopped talking to her about this particular situation because I wasn't getting what I wanted/needed but then it hit me, she was teaching me to rely on the complete sufficiency of The alpha and omega.


but I don't know how to do this, she has been in a similar situation and I was the one telling her how He will provide etc, but I cant seem to take that advise for myself.


when all seems lost or hopeless in a situation how to listen and hear and rely on His complete sufficiency, grace and unconditional love?


I pray for eyes to see, ears to hear and a heart to be open to the path He has for me and in this situation for it to be very obvious, because I'm very oblivious most of the time.

head spinning

so much struggle going on right now, scrambling to try to find a way to stay in the bay area.

so much going on in my brain and I cant come up with coherent thoughts to get the words out.

we love it here, are so extremely happy here. but right now its just really not being economically feasible to stay.

I have so many people praying for us, its amazing and touching. sometimes though it makes me want to cry, sometimes I don't sometimes i do

I don't know. i just don't know.

I'm frantically try to hold on to my Hope, I always have hope

Julie & Julia

My in-laws came for a short visit this weekend. Saturday the ladies and gents went to separate movies. My father in-law and David saw District 9 (Blech!) and with my sister and mother-in-law and I saw Julie and Julia

excellent movie.

Somehow both the main characters managed to cover in different parts of the movie exactly where I'm at in my life. which of course has made me reflective.

being 20 something and not knowing what to do with your life. being married to a wonderfully supportive husband who encourages you in all your hair brained schemes. being married and finding out the ones closest to you are pregnant and being so thrilled and so utterly devastated at the same time.

oh and the food!

mmm makes me want to make Beef Bourguignon and get my own copy of mastering the art of french cooking (but I haven't decided if this is because I actually want to master the art of French cooking or it just sounds cool, realistically it just sounds cool)

oh goodness, I had a minor bordering on major meltdown 2 weekends ago and I really should write about it because I need to remember where my heart and my brain were at but Ive yet to get the words out.

Day off list to do: laundry, grocery shopping and quilting. all after I eat the wonderful breakfast my husband is making

blurry

my life is a big blur right now. all work and a little church and alot boring.

alot of stuff has happened spiritually over the last few weeks, starting with camp.

I'm pretty sure I'm being called to full time children's ministry and other such, whoa what? stuff.

I don't know what to do with any of it right now, nor do I have the time or energy to really let it sink in and process. all I can do right now really is keep on keeping on.

so such is my life, nothing and everything going on

a prayerful quandary

Ok I was told a few weeks ago to let many things go. one of them being the pain caused by my dad

I was working yesterday and I was stocking the men's shaving products and stumbled upon some Gillette shave gel. I decided I wanted to know what it smelled like to see if its something David may want.

it smelled like my dad.

now he has had a beard my entire life so I don't think he's ever used Gillette shaving gel on a regular basis, it must of been something else of that brand that he used. deodorant maybe.

i guess it doesn't really matter.

in the middle of work though it sent my brain reeling. back to 3 Wednesdays ago when I was told to let go.

my question is this. what is that supposed to look like?

am I supposed to let go of my desire for reconciliation? or am I supposed to reconcile in order to let go?

a prayerful quandary indeed.

Busy Bee

is busy.

work work work, church church church. throw in a holiday and a walk with a friend and thats about my life right now.

its actually a tad exhausting at the moment and in a couple of weeks more so when ill be working 6 days a week.

I havent been giving the proper time to Jesus and I need to remedy that.

having easter dinner at my house with the usual group plus im feeling convicted to invite a coworker as well, she just moved out here from Chicago and has no family. thats about all i know. I'm probably (85%) likely to actually listen and do it. im still in the whiny i dont wanna step out of my comfort zone stage.

my trip with my mom was fabulous, only one evening of sheer mother frustration when i realised its the same ole crap, just a different state.

david is still waiting to hear back from a guy he put in a job proposal to for an animation job, we really hope he gets it as its not only desperatly needed income but great animation experience.

ok, getting ready for work and need to finish cofffee, not even going to bother spell checking, i apoligise.

oh and to remember, 3 weeks and i got confirmation that i am indeed not pregnant. God has a plan Im not worried but still a tad disapointed

swirling thoughts

tragedy has struck someone fairly close to me and I'm having a hard time processing it. how to be there for someone so young? how to help someone period in a situation you have no real concept of? I have prayed for them and will continue to pray for them, somehow it doesn't feel like enough.

i kinda feel bad though because I am more upset about this than Davids grandmother passing away last week. at least I know his grandmother isn't suffering and my friend is.

my thoughts lately have been consumed with getting/being pregnant. I just found out another person I know is pregnant and I want to be too! and then my mind wanders to what if we're destined to be one of those childless couples. and every fiber of my being cant believe that would be true, it just cant be. So I continue to pray about it and each day get more and more impatient.

I thought having interviews would make it seem like a job is actually in the near future, but really it doesn't feel like it. the interview I had yesterday didn't go badly but its working with severely mentally disturbed youth and I'm not sure I'm cut out for that. plus if I do get pregnant its not someplace I would want to work where its very much a possibility. to be kicked, spit at, punched or bitten.

I have a second interview tomorrow and i have a list of stipulations that I would need if i am offered the job for it to be even remotely economically feasible for us.

meh.

I just want david to find an awesome job, for me to get pregnant and to be a stay at home mom. really I dont think thats too much to ask.