why not

Random picture challenge 5.0
There are 2 ways to pick your random picture this week.
March 2008
5th picture from the end
or
10th picture folder
5th picture from the end

Since I dont label my pictures by month (its a good idea though, might start doing that) here is a picture from the 10 folder.

a closeup of part of the quilt top I made for my mom at the quilt retreat I went to last month.

I joined in on 4littlemen.blogspot.com picture challenge.I dont have any readers but still fun

swirling thoughts

tragedy has struck someone fairly close to me and I'm having a hard time processing it. how to be there for someone so young? how to help someone period in a situation you have no real concept of? I have prayed for them and will continue to pray for them, somehow it doesn't feel like enough.

i kinda feel bad though because I am more upset about this than Davids grandmother passing away last week. at least I know his grandmother isn't suffering and my friend is.

my thoughts lately have been consumed with getting/being pregnant. I just found out another person I know is pregnant and I want to be too! and then my mind wanders to what if we're destined to be one of those childless couples. and every fiber of my being cant believe that would be true, it just cant be. So I continue to pray about it and each day get more and more impatient.

I thought having interviews would make it seem like a job is actually in the near future, but really it doesn't feel like it. the interview I had yesterday didn't go badly but its working with severely mentally disturbed youth and I'm not sure I'm cut out for that. plus if I do get pregnant its not someplace I would want to work where its very much a possibility. to be kicked, spit at, punched or bitten.

I have a second interview tomorrow and i have a list of stipulations that I would need if i am offered the job for it to be even remotely economically feasible for us.

meh.

I just want david to find an awesome job, for me to get pregnant and to be a stay at home mom. really I dont think thats too much to ask.

i want to live in never never land

today is just day, it will soon be over and tomorrow will be better.

for now im overwhelmed with life.

we've barely been hanging on, waiting till today when David gets his financial aid check from school. he deposits it and what does the bank do? put a 2 day hold on it.

now if only the gas will hold out until then for David to get to and from school. I had to find a ride to church tonight. I wouldn't go but I'm teaching the little girls this month on friendship, so i have to be there. I had to admit to friends that i didn't have the bus money.I hate that, stupid pride. which caused me to cry, and now i cant stop. bleh.

had an interview today, went well. they already told me that they're going to call me back next week for a second interview. the job sounds interesting and the organization would be good to be with long term. problem is its across the bay which means toll money and extra gas and the pay isn't that great and its only 20 hours a week which doesn't even cover rent. meh. but at this point income is income, better then nothing.

somedays i dont want to be a grown up.

A Conversation

I had a conversation this morning that Ive been saying I would have for over a year. Ive been seriously saying I would have it for the last 4 months.

I was reminded last Saturday that I really need to have it. I was basically told that it was a contingent of me having baby. not in the Gods punishing me sort of way, just in I told you to do A before B can happen and then you get upset with B not happening and wonder why.

It wasn't what I was expecting, not in a bad way, just in a I've had this planned out in my head and it didn't go the way it did in my head (conversations like this never go the way I have planned in my head, I don't know why I ever expect otherwise).

it feels good to be done, don't know why I ever dreaded it, but then again it probably was something I wasn't really ready to do until now (duh!)

ok now my question is what next? I thought I was ok not knowing the bigger picture but I lied I want to know the big picture. David and I both working full time? a baby? part time? I want to know! my impatience is creeping up on me.

pure jelousy and I know it

I found out a couple days ago that my friend is pregnant. we went off the pill at the same time so we've been doing the monthly check up and talking prenatal vitamins and other such stuff. I am soo excited for her and at the same time disapointed for David and I.

I heart babies and I know God has a plan for us, but couldnt I have gotten pregnant too? I think what added insult to injury was I found out the day I started my period. blah.

I'll get over it, but I hate that I feel this way.