I need more hands

a friend asked me last night if there was something I didn't currently have my hand it right now, and really the answer was no.

the problem is I cant seem to say "no"
add that to I have the compulsion for adding things myself, without being asked when I'm already barely treading water in the time management issue.

like I invited some interns from church over for Sunday dinner. something I've been wanting to do for a while now, but really did I need to start this week? no

and we're helping some friends move on Saturday, granted we were asked. well we were asked via facebook/email. I really should have and could have said no, but did i? no

what I really need to be doing Saturday which I will be doing on top of the moving (with what time I don't know) is making my house presentable for guests, it currently looks like an lavender eye pillow sweat shop. I have fabric, lavender and flax seed everywhere. oh and I have to shop, because you know having food to serve would be helpful.

oh and then Sunday before people arrive for dinner I have to go over to my pastors house to fill goody bags for next weeks women's retreat. which I still have 18 more eye pillows to make for it. 85 total, feeewww I be glad when that projects over.

my life is full. I love it this way, I have way more of a life and am way more content with said life then I ever was in my hometown.
I just need to learn to slow down, say no, and not add stuff to an already full, overflowing plate.

or find a way to get paid for just being me, not having to work would free up a whole lot of time

somedays I want off this roller coaster

my life

work
churh
children's church
bible college class (synoptic gospels)
friends
cooking rut
apartment exploded with fabric/sewing/lavender for the women's retreat
general apartment explosion because I'm so busy I don't have time/energy to keep up with it
stolen moments of mindlessness
planning a missions trip to Africa for next summer

it all makes me tired, but I cant seem to find any areas that I can cut out
and it makes me need to write but because so much is going on outwardly and inwardly I don't know where to start

off to figure out what to make for dinner and study for my final

grumpy puss

I'm generally a glass half full kinda girl

but somehow Ive been a major grumpy puss lately and go to the negative on a lot of things. I catch myself doing it, so that's a step towards stopping it right?

our words and thoughts are an expression of our hearts, right? since that is the case then what is this telling me about my heart?

alot of thoughts are so very uncharacteristic of myself I don't know how to deal with them, no matter how bleak things have seemed in the past or how depressed I've been, Ive never had this particular mind set.

and it bugs me, alot.

there's a particular book I was reading awhile ago in discipleship. the battlefield of the mind by Joyce Meyer. I think I need to pick it back up, now if only I could find it...

Day Off

This is what I've done today off and on. I have a long list of actual productive things I still have yet to do. namely laundry, and dig out a notebook for class that starts tomorrow oh and grocery shop. but its my only day off this week and I cant seem to get up the motivation to do any of it.so I did this instead, its a belated birthday present for a friend

and I really need to learn how to edit html, I don't like that my text is all wonky and coming down the side of the pictures. meh

jumbled baby thoughts

I have a meltdown weekend part 2 written but not sure if ill actually post it.

Its long and says so much, and nothing at all

it doesnt say how im plagued with conflicting thoughts about wanting to be pregnant now, not that I no longer want to but that thinking maybe I shouldnt want to now. I know we're not in a great place right now financially but in my heart I know if I do get pregnant things will be tough yes, but will work out.

it doesnt say how I dont know why I am consumed with the want, need to have a baby. Our lives are good, we are happy. Im not wanting a baby to fufill anything or I dont know how to explain it. but none the less I am consumed

it also doesnt say how I realised a couple weeks ago that when I went off the pill and we prayed about it that I was basically saying ok God, I'm ready. I never stopped to think that maybe it really wasnt God's timing yet.

and it also doesnt say how I am taunted? haunted? not sure what word Im looking for but there are pregnant women and newborns everywhere I turn and its starting to get annoying. is everyone having a baby but me? somedays it feels like it