getting healthy

so I'm overweight. I'm aware of this but until this year haven't done anything about it.

slowly but surely Ive been working on eating healthier. it started with the fast we had at church, it jumpstarted my motivation to healthier cooking.

fast forward to now and now I'm trying to work on the physical activity party of it. Ive been more physically active in the last year or so then I have in many years but I need more purpose to it.

Toni did this thing over the summer, couch to 5k that Im now trying out with a friend that I normally walk with. she also struggles with her weight and wanting to get healthy so she's a good person to keep each other accountable with.

Today was the first day. I think I liked it. its intervals of walking and running and as of right now we arnt running for any amount of time that ever feels like " am i done yet? I cant do this, i dont want to do this, why am i doing this?"

so yes day one to a healthier me.

now I just need a more variety of recipes and to stay committed. I can do this.

how to explain?

my family.

I never know how to appropriately paint the picture of my family. yes they are dysfunctional, but I love them. how to paint them in such a light that their craziness and their love come through in equal parts?

I went to dinner tonight with a couple from my church. I am friends with their daughter and only casually know them. the wife gave me a ride home today from the women's retreat and knew that my husband had gone out of town.

so fast forward to about 7:00 I get a call from a number I don't recognize but its a San Francisco area code and this fact indicates they know me. since I don't have a local area code I don't get wrong numbers a whole lot.

I say yes and they say ok, we'll be there in 2 minutes. I rush because as soon as I had gotten home I had promptly put on my PJ's.

we go to a Filipino food restaurant a few blocks from my house that I've never been brave enough to try. I've wanted to but I'm a firm believer that when you try something new you have to go with someone that knows what to order and whats good. they've been there, and are Filipino so this is a perfect opportunity. (by the way the food was delicious, so good. so good. Filipino food where have you been my whole life?)

well naturally since we don't know each other that well we talk about where I'm from etc etc. the topic of families turns up since David is visiting his and they ask about mine. I say where everyone lives etc etc and that I have a pretty small family. my mom and her crazy boyfriend working in Kuwait. and then they ask what about your dad? oh yeah,my dad that wont speak to me. and I cant talk about that really without talking about the why . and the why is hard to explain cuz its hard understand for even me and I lived it.

how do i explain this and not look pathetic? I'm that girl with that family, the flaky crazy ones. Its always hard and awkward for me. so I just don't talk about it really. I'm getting better though, because no matter what, that family is part of who I am and how I got here and not talking about it leaves a big gaping hole in the story of who I am.

the food and company was fabulous though and i think i was able to successfully navigate the new situation pretty well. this is hard for me because of my shyness no one knows exists. and it was so sweet they didn't want me eating dinner alone.they remind me a little of my in-laws. so genuine and generous and just good people. and did i mention I love Filipino food?

I need more hands

a friend asked me last night if there was something I didn't currently have my hand it right now, and really the answer was no.

the problem is I cant seem to say "no"
add that to I have the compulsion for adding things myself, without being asked when I'm already barely treading water in the time management issue.

like I invited some interns from church over for Sunday dinner. something I've been wanting to do for a while now, but really did I need to start this week? no

and we're helping some friends move on Saturday, granted we were asked. well we were asked via facebook/email. I really should have and could have said no, but did i? no

what I really need to be doing Saturday which I will be doing on top of the moving (with what time I don't know) is making my house presentable for guests, it currently looks like an lavender eye pillow sweat shop. I have fabric, lavender and flax seed everywhere. oh and I have to shop, because you know having food to serve would be helpful.

oh and then Sunday before people arrive for dinner I have to go over to my pastors house to fill goody bags for next weeks women's retreat. which I still have 18 more eye pillows to make for it. 85 total, feeewww I be glad when that projects over.

my life is full. I love it this way, I have way more of a life and am way more content with said life then I ever was in my hometown.
I just need to learn to slow down, say no, and not add stuff to an already full, overflowing plate.

or find a way to get paid for just being me, not having to work would free up a whole lot of time

somedays I want off this roller coaster

my life

work
churh
children's church
bible college class (synoptic gospels)
friends
cooking rut
apartment exploded with fabric/sewing/lavender for the women's retreat
general apartment explosion because I'm so busy I don't have time/energy to keep up with it
stolen moments of mindlessness
planning a missions trip to Africa for next summer

it all makes me tired, but I cant seem to find any areas that I can cut out
and it makes me need to write but because so much is going on outwardly and inwardly I don't know where to start

off to figure out what to make for dinner and study for my final

grumpy puss

I'm generally a glass half full kinda girl

but somehow Ive been a major grumpy puss lately and go to the negative on a lot of things. I catch myself doing it, so that's a step towards stopping it right?

our words and thoughts are an expression of our hearts, right? since that is the case then what is this telling me about my heart?

alot of thoughts are so very uncharacteristic of myself I don't know how to deal with them, no matter how bleak things have seemed in the past or how depressed I've been, Ive never had this particular mind set.

and it bugs me, alot.

there's a particular book I was reading awhile ago in discipleship. the battlefield of the mind by Joyce Meyer. I think I need to pick it back up, now if only I could find it...